Finding Maddux

no rules.

2012-01-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

~Where can you go to feel an unbelievable amount of support around you even if there is no conversations that day?

~Where can you go where when you pull in the parking lot you get a huge feeling of emotions rush over you that you start to cry like you did when you saw your child for the first time?

~Where can you go that the cheers are louder tha

n your ears can hear and high fives are like gold?

we found that place this spring. Thank you Miracle League of the Triangle for showing Maddux the true meaning of playing a sport and for bringing together her and her future husband: Davis!

beyond.

2011-08-10T19:03:00.000-07:00

yep. sometimes it feels like this...

and then you see this.

crossroad

2011-05-27T17:33:00.001-07:00

For some reason I find myself depressed on Mother's Day. Not that I think I am not a good mother but it makes me wonder whether I did what I could for Maddux this year. I do not leave Cade out of the equation but lets face it, I could leave him in the house for a week and he could take care of himself. So today I decided to get Cade to take a picture of how I feel. Workout clothes still on, hair a mess and in my favorite spot. Might I add he is quite the photographer! So here I am, wondering where to take Maddux next. Where can I use my money for the most good while targeting where she struggles the most. I always find a way so I do not worry too much, but I do spend a few days feeling heavy while I figure out her next path. I have listened and made all the decisions to get her where she is and God did not lead me wrong in 9 years so I trust He will pull thru again.

a box and a notebook.

2011-02-25T07:19:00.000-08:00

what I did for 4 years is right here in these pictures. Everything Maddux knew and lost in those 4 years is here. Yes, I said 4 years. She knew it, she lost it.

We taught it again.

She lost it.

Her favorite letters~ P and X

Her favorite people on felt so I could use them on a board to help her not forget her family.

Baby Faces- Oh that book was so loved!

Good Night Moon- given to me my my sister from her girls and read so much that she could tell me the story herself. Those were the only words sometimes she would say in a day. They were complete sentences, whole phrases~ memorized.

Then there were the notebooks. The hard part. The record of seizures. The times she would stare, drool, turn bright red, not breathe, turn blue.....

And yes the number at the top right corner are the number of seizures and how many minutes they lasted that week. But on the bright side that was later in her seizure life. Earlier it was the total in a day.

She slept.

She seized.

She slept.

She seized.

No wonder she did not know anything.

The box makes me smile the notebooks make me sad.

Somber posts... yes but it is things like this that show me how much she has accomplished. Where she has been. One day I will figure out youtube and post videos of her back then. That is more real but I fear putting her out there.

Within those notebooks are what she has accomplished, also. Every word mumbled. Every sound made. If she had a fever, I wrote it down. What she ate is all in there. I could probably hand this notebook to a DAN doctor and they could find a pattern and tell me how to treat her better. But no one can tell me I was not a good mom. I do question it from time to time. I am the one who takes her to the doctor, gets her to eat food that is not her favorite. Takes her to and from therapy she does not fee like going to that day. And heaven forbid I teach her how to brush her hair. Not her favorite thing.

So for now I am not her favorite. She loves her daddy. But I am making her a wife, a mom and a person who can live like any one else one day. So for that I will take the back seat.

Our Gray

2011-01-19T10:45:00.001-08:00

I have met my daughter for the first time, again.

Not many people can understand my writing unless you have been there or seen it in someone else's life, but M's issues interfere with us getting to know the real "her".

We feel like on a random basis we meet her... pieces of her.
Never a full picture. Just pieces.
Her pieces are cute.
Her pieces are funny.
Her pieces are so heart felt and loving in her own way.

I nickname her Amelia Bedelia. She is very black and white. No abstract.
No jokes.
No funny sayings.
No "implied" humor
Just flat out black or white.

Well now after 12 weeks of Brain Balance and 7 years of intense therapy... I am meeting her gray.
It is witty.
It is funny.
It is sometimes scary and not filtered

But it is her Gray

It may not be in a rainbow, but we think it should be!

because we were there...

2010-10-13T19:51:00.001-07:00

I have many reasons for creating this post. One in celebration for M

for reaching the "no appointment needed" stage in her recovery from epilepsy, but also to help a friend who is fighting the same thing we did so long ago. Most of my NOW friends really have no clue how our lives were back 8 years ago with her. There are no words to describe it really so I will not try. I only have images and home videos to see and remind me of many

things God has uniquely made me forget.

I feel we all have our own battles that God equipped us to handle. We were chosen by Him to care for these kids knowing what we could handle. Even if we think we can not.

What are the odds that I chose to go to school to be a teacher and a second major in Deaf education only to find out I would use my sign language later to communicate with my daughter. Who knew that I would be given seizures as a teen to only have a daughter later who also had seizures, was treated with the same medication and I would know what it felt like to have them. To know the tests and know the ropes of the neuro world. Who knew I would be given Celiac Disease only to use the same diet on my Autistic child.

Who knew to move us to a state on the other side of the world 2 months before her birth where the best sensory integration center was 10 minutes from my home...

God knew.

He also knows where we will end up.

Here she is... in the middle of her own world. Fighting seizures, fighting her own life

and here she is now.

a bright, funny girl. Who is NOT mentally retarded. Who DID learn to use the bathroom, who IS a joke teller ( to some extent) and who IS learning beyond 4 years old. Autism is not a cement box. It is a ball of clay that can be changed, molded and shaped beyond the age of 7 into a beautiful piece of art. One that God helped us to know how to create. In His time, in His way. It is not easy. It is not fun.... until you see it shaping itself. Until you hear the laugh at the joke. Until you see her introduce herself to a new friend. It will continue to create and mold but as long as it is continuing we are happy.

We are happy.

Hugs!

this is where we are goin'

2010-09-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

Brain Balance here we come! We have gone 2 days and she loves it! Now if we can catch that right brain up with the left brain and then teach them how to communicate with each other she will be set! That it!

If you are not familiar with right brain left brain and how they work together get the book Disconnected Kid by Robert Melillo. I am getting ready to read it myself and it is the first time I feel like... "oh, that makes sense!"

Now in the world of non-typical kids you will hear all the time... there is not enough studies to prove this works, there is not enough research that can prove this means this, there is not enough placebo based studies to show........ well until you can tell me what causes Autism and how it can be treated even after your 9,000,000 studies let me do whatever I feel I need to do to get Maddux where I think she can be!

Progress notes to come as she works thru this 12weeks process.

where will we be going?

2010-08-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

Her she is... a wheat free third grader who can now look at the camera and smile with a purpose. How do you "teach" a person to smile? I never did other than to say, "Show me your teeth" and the outcome of that is not very pretty. She now looks at me, turns her head to the side just a little and looks into the camera with a purpose of "I am going to make this one a cute one" I had some time with her in Feb. to shoot with my heart and this is what I got. It comes from a place only parents who have kids with special needs can understand. How you wish you could take out of her what was "wrong" and fix it. But then who would Maddux be? When I take pictures of families I try my best to pull their love for their kids out of their hearts and plaster it all over my camera lens. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it does not. But when it does it can make the heart of anyone sing. It is a moment, it is a feeling, it is a second in time when your heart melts and you take your love and show it to everyone. It is a picture that can make a perfect stranger cry. You do not have to know someone to feel touched by their feelings of love for each other. That is what makes love so beautiful.

Take a moment. Step out of your world of lunches, work, papers and dirty faces to clean and get to the root of why you live. It is your kids. It is your family. One moment can change it so embrace what you have now and make your heart sing.

Next time.... we will be balancing brain hemispheres!!!! Stay tuned!!!!

our new journey.

2010-03-02T19:48:00.001-08:00

Well my friends it has been a while. A while of playing, a while of praying and a while of discovering. While I do own my own business I tend to loose site of our past with Maddux. All I do is pop in a video of her about 3 years ago and it all comes rushing back to me. Things about how I need to stop doing what I am doing for others and do it for us. Capture MY memories. So I did.

I did a whole series of M and C on the bed playing. Laughing. Tickling. Just being. Since my last post M has started 2nd grade and is thriving. We tackle the word problems from the Devil's home and continue. I even have issues with them. Hence why M does not stand

a chance! I have also started all of us on a gluten free diet.

I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease about a month and a half ago. So I started them on it. M bc I really wanted to see what this diet would do for her. And C, well bc it is too hard to have one on it and not the other. They are FINE! They only miss chocolate donuts but nothing a bowl of trix cant handle.

C's poop is back to normal from having constipation and M has a sense of humor like I have never seen before. She still lacks the ability to catch our sarcasm but she throws some things out that I never knew she knew. It is working. Do not mix this with GFCF. We are not on CF but gluten free is hard enough. I just wanted to catch you all up on her and I promise to be more diligent at posts. It is hard with a family, a business and 2 blogs but I will try!

Until next time!~

HUGS!

she's her BFF

2009-10-03T20:03:00.001-07:00

How happy am I that Ms. M is in Maddux's life. She follows Maddux around and does everything she does and vice versa. They are such a soul-warming duo that I am so happy to drop her off at school everyday bc I know Ms. M will be there. Everyone is put in our life for a reason and Ms. M is there solely for Maddux. She brighten hers day and makes her giggle her true giggle! Thank you M. for showing me Maddux's true laugh, her true heart and for being her true friend!!!

world.... meet my maddux

2009-09-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

This is Maddux sharing her first published writings in second grade. Can you just not look in her eyes and tell she is going to be someone special one day?

reaching her utmost potential

2009-09-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

she did it again...

2009-07-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

our girl finished first grade!!!!!!! and she not only finished it she rocked it! I am a little late on her blogging so she has already started 2nd but I am trying to catch up! She did smashing this year. Made some friends and some enemies.... yes I said enemies in first grade. But they are good for her to learn that not all people love Maddux! Crazy I know! Who doesn't love Maddux! Next year is sure to be tough but she has already shown such great improvement.

We have added speech after school and it has already shown us that she really does know more than we think. It is just a matter of how to ask. That is always the question.... how can i say this so she will understand. but she is doing so well.

we have lowered her seizure meds to 2 MLs BID ( that means twice a day ) and no thoughts now on taking her off. I am not mentally ready for that. She is doing so well on her 2ml and i feel like i need that extra boost of medicine comfort. All the prayers in the world sometimes do not feel as comfortable as a dose of medicine. it is true. i hate to admit it. but we all know we feel that way.

thanks for following her this year. and second grade is sure to bring more miracles!

Field day.

2009-05-16T19:22:00.001-07:00

This has got to be may favorite image of maddux in school! It really shows how I feel her year has gone. I will go more into it when I post her end of the year in a few weeks!!!!

who can have eye brows like this and still be cute??????? Maddux can!

The sock hop.

2009-05-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

Okay I am super behind on my posts but my daughter is autistic...give me a break! :)

her un-natural obsession with the chick-fil-a cow!

they always take care of her!

When it all started...

2009-04-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

not for Maddux but for me. Maddux was at her worst time here but loved to be at the beach. I got this shot with my small point and shoot camera when she was 2 and this is where my madness for photography started. I thought I had lost the digital negative to this one, but I am sooo glad I found it! Happy dance! Enjoy our angel!

IT"S GONE!!!!!!!

2009-02-27T15:26:00.001-08:00

Well the long awaited first tooth is gone! A little unconventional in that it is the top tooth and the dentist had to pull it bc it was getting infected but look how happy!

Her best friends ever!

2009-02-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

Well I have yet to get to the family photos of her all but wonderful 7th birthday but these are super special bc Maddux has never had a sleepover and this was her first one! She had so much fun laughing, watching The Little Mermaid, eating pizza and playing house! Here are your girls Maddux!

Morgan and Maddux

Lauren

sillines

Jillian, Lauren, Maddux and Morgan

cheers!

thoughts of a mother of autism

2009-02-02T19:02:00.000-08:00

I have never done this before. I am usually praising the progress of my daughter and hopeful of the future, but if I did not share the other side it would not show the true side of a mothers of autism. There are times when I see Maddux's progress but see how far she still has to go. I am hopeful that she will be able to live alone but not positive. I am okay with not knowing, I just want her to live alone, drive a car, get married, have babies and just be her without someone else. These are the things that frustrate me:
why does the english language have to be sooooo confusing? why does "i" come before "e" except after "c".
why can't "o" just say its name. Not if 2 vowels are walking the first one does the talking and it is always long! Try explaining that one!
why can't there be one way to say something. Not have 12 statements that mean the exact same thing? hungry, starving, famished.. not sure on the spelling of that one.. hot, smouldering, spicy, light your tongue on fire... No Maddux your tongue will not catch on fire.. what is fire? why is it hot, like spicy or hot like burn. Like catch a ball? How do you explain catch on fire to Maddux....... SEE WHAT I MEAN!? There are no books on this. It is just language and Maddux struggles with understanding this.
why is it that a typical kids can understand that you start with pancake batter in a bowl made from mix water and eggs and that you make the stove hot and then it creates a pancake. For Maddux the start to finish must be taught. rules, 1.2.3, this is why this and sometimes it means that. Why do you mix? What is a spatula? Why is the stove hot...hot like spicy or hot like burn? It is a cycle that feels like it never ends.
Do not even get me started on word problems.
I know how far Maddux has come and how many things she has been taught and the poor child has to remember so many things just to function everyday. I can not even imagine what goes on in her head when she gets dressed in the morning. Arms first, tag back, over head, pull down, is the straight, is it backwards, now the pants, tag on legs, one leg in other leg in, now stand, pull up, mom zip and button.
I just sometimes want her.... her without the teaching.... her imagination...her stick figure person without 5 fingers bc she does want her stick figure to have five fingers. And no hair bc she does not like hair today. Use dull colors if you want. No need to bright colors today. Because today Maddux does not want to.
This is my struggle for today. Tomorrow I will still feel the same but she will smile and I will be fine. It is late, I had a bad day and I just wanted to share the other side. I want this blog to be real and to not only show her progression but also our struggles. Thanks goodness she is the light of our days which makes all of this so bareable. Most people who see Maddux here and there will not understand this bc she seems so normal but when you look beyond her playing hide a seek and see the things she must remember to function it will show you a different side to this very strong girl.
You know I can not end this post without a picture of our Maddux!

she finally got snow...

2009-01-22T07:19:00.000-08:00

according to Maddux the snow "makes her belly better"

I finally got a shot of her without her glasses to get the snowflake on her lashes. the snow hurts her eyes!

thanks for looking~ jaime

Thanksgiving

2008-12-14T12:12:00.000-08:00

Maddux "gets" Thanksgiving this year. This has been the first year that she knows family will be here, why we are there and that we are thankful. Maddux this year was thankful and her very own words were:

"I am thankful for Love"

Maddux and her great-grandmother

Maddux and her grammy

all of the grandkids

Our very own family picture!!!!!!!!!!!

Nana and G's house on Thanksgiving!

October is her favorite

2008-12-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

Well I have been behind a bit on my blogging but I have 2 to keep up with and it has been a busy fall and Christmas season. We have found a new tradition this year with pumpkin picking at Hill Ridge Farm. This was the first year we have gone to a real pumpkin patch. Pumpkin patches in California just are not the same. We went with our best friends and had the best time! Maddux and an open field...need I say more!

Maddux says, " Mom I can't see a thing!" And of course I give her my glasses.

Loving on her "little sister"

and finally a picture that I am in! Thanks Kelli!

Our real trip! She always loves no matter what!

Art by me!

2008-10-10T14:19:00.000-07:00

I have been a little slack in my post this school year but here is my first. We had a family art night and Maddux was there with a few friends from class. She stopped running around long enough to get a shot with Lauren. Daddy even came and helped draw pretty pictures!

One year smarter!

2008-07-13T14:22:00.001-07:00

Maddux made it to first grade! This was her first week and these are from her first day. I can not wait to see what thing year brings!

Guess where I am going....

2008-07-06T16:19:00.000-07:00

Maddux starts her first day of first grade tomorrow. Her new teachers team teach so Maddux has the added bonus of being taught by 2 great teachers! Hoping this year will bring even more progress than last year. I am sure it will. We are weaning her seizure meds to 1/2 the dose and hoping for big changes. The doctor said we wouldn't see a difference but they have been wrong before! More pictures tomorrow from her first day of first grade!

The Class of 2020!

2008-06-04T12:57:00.001-07:00

I just can not believe that Maddux graduated from kindergarten on June 2nd. She PASSED! She will start first grade on July 7th. Almost all the family came down and had a pizza party and celebrated her "big girl shoes" She has come so far this year. She reads, shes writes, she makes patterns, she counts, she's amazing! Although retelling of stories, and multiple task instructions are still a struggle for her she is so amazing in her progress. I can not thank her teachers and one on one specialists enough. You never can. Thank you for a great year filled with memories that I thought I would never have with her.

her family

her Mr. Benson

her Track 1

her friends

her sweet wave

End of the Year

2008-05-28T16:07:00.000-07:00

As we are ending the school year on June 3rd I wanted to post my favorite picture of Maddux to date. She has progressed leaps and bounds because of her teachers Ms. Dell, Ms. Grice, Ms. Burns, Ms. Horan, Ms. Hooker, Ms. Holmes, Ms. Willis and one of her favorites... Mr. Benson...the PE teacher. My girl is back with all of the eye contact in the world, laughter and yes attitude. God loves a little attitude. To parents like "us" it means they get it and can feel it. Something Maddux lacked before. Thanks to all of the people in Maddux's world this year. You have been amazing and I would not have her anywhere else! Her graduation performance pictures will be up soon!

Field day

2008-05-04T06:13:00.000-07:00

I was so happy to be able to help out on field day this year. There were so many parent volunteers that were there to help out Mr. Benson. He is ONE of Maddux's favorite teachers. All I hear when Maddux gets in the car is, "I give Mr. Benson big hug." Thanks to Ms. Dell I was able to have these photographs. Aside from the artsy ones these are all Ms. Dell. Thanks bunches! And thank you Mr. Benson for you hard work putting together this fun, hot day!

Agape Field Trip

2008-04-23T12:24:00.000-07:00

Maddux took a field trip to Agape to learn about bugs and season changes. Lets just say we saw plenty of bugs! We took a hike to listen to the sounds of the season, made a nature recipe to smell the season and we also pet a snake. Maddux specifically looked for ladybugs but all we found were ticks. EWW!

Horse Friends of North Carolina

2008-04-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

During Maddux's track out time, her Grammy took her to Horse Friends of North Carolina to take part in a non-profit organization that gives free riding lessons to kids like our special Maddux. This particular group was located in Greensboro, NC, and the kids that day got to feed, brush and ride the horses who themselves are just as special. The horse who Maddux rode was blind. Although she found the donkey, Eeyore, to be the coolest thing there. I did not realize there were these types of groups out there that do this just for the kids out of the kindness of their hearts and they run this based on donations. As Maddux rode, the parents sat and shared stories, triumphs and struggles. We had a great time and can not wait to do it again this month.
...but showing love to a thousand of those who love me and keep my commandments.
Exodus 20.6

Music Informance

2008-03-05T16:07:00.001-08:00

These are a few images from Maddux's classroom and from her first performance for the parents from music class. She practiced very hard at home and did very well in front of everyone. Can you believe Maddux has a writing journal! I am sure I'll find a company that will bind it for me as a leather keepaske album!

Happy 6th birthday!

2008-03-05T12:19:00.001-08:00

I can't believe we have a 6 year old now! And because Maddux is now 6 that means her baby brother is now 2! This was the best brithday ever. She understood it was HER day and she was going to have cake and presents! She even made "birthday beads" to wear in her hair to school that day so everyone knew it was her special day. She almost ate the candles in this picture but we were so happy we did not care!
Happy Birthday sweetie!

We call her cake the pantry surprise! I told her to look in the pantry so she could decorate it with whatever she wanted! Never thought a cake could look so beautiful...

My favorite thing this year... so far

2008-01-27T08:35:00.000-08:00

Madddux was asked to draw a picture of herself doing her favorite thing. Well she drew a picture of herself eating a quesadilla. Then she was suppose to spell the item she was eating. Only Maddux would pick a Spanish word to spell. Here is Maddux's WONDERFUL version of quesadilla:

KSUDU
(looks right to me!)

100 Days Smarter

2008-01-27T08:22:00.001-08:00

Maddux just had her 1ooth day of school. She is far beyond 100 days smarter. She is now beginning to spell 3 letter words and read small books. Holly Grove has done amazing things with her and I cannot wait to see what this semester brings with a revamped IEP and awesome goals!

One semester down!

2007-12-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

One semester is down for our amazing Maddux. She has adjusted well to being

mainstreamed and has surprised us with her transition and her ability to make friends. I go to eat lunch with her often and it is nice to see the 5th graders say "Hi" to her. Everyone knows Maddux. She received her first report card yesterday. She is on a steady pace upward and is improving everyday! Miracles happen for her and for us everyday! Her teachers are so talented and patient and are the reason she has done so well! THANK YOU!

Fall festival

2007-12-05T07:20:00.001-08:00

Words written on a page for us means so much more than it does to anyone else. Anything that comes home that Maddux drew or wrote gets laminated or put in a frame! It goes far beyond the act of just writing. It is the control she has learned to hold the pencil, the ability to look one page and copy to another and the fact that she can read it after she writes it goes beyond our most powerful dreams for her.

Ken's Korn Maze Field Trip

2007-12-05T06:59:00.000-08:00

Maddux and her class took a field trip to Ken's Krazy Korn maze in October. Maddux's friends "know" she needs extra help and they follow her around and make sure she stays with the class. It is nice to know her friends care for her almost as much as we do!

Museums and Music

2007-10-20T21:06:00.000-07:00

Her Family

2007-09-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

Lessons learned

2007-09-22T19:19:00.000-07:00

The one thing that I have learned most up to this point is that Maddux is ours for a reason. God did not give her to someone else. He felt we were the best parents for her and that only we could provide her wants and needs. Most of the time I think the exact opposite happened. I was not half the person I am today before she came into my life. My husband was not half the person he is today before she arrived. I think the same can be said for the rest of my family. Maddux has brought so much joy into our lives that it has made it so enjoyable to be around her. I thank Him everyday for giving her to us, epilepsy and autism included. Sure, there are times that I would rather tell her something once rather than 6 times because she pieces it together each time to make a full statement. Not always, but sometimes. And there is not a bath given that I don't want her to wash her own hair and make her adversion to bubbles disappear. Then I think about her. I can not imagine anyone who would want to have these issues. She probably doesn't want them as much as I wish she didn't have them. One thing remains the same and that is that she's our Maddux, issues or not. I know she will continue to recover and heal from all of her trials and we will all be here to continue to cheer her on!

The trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so:
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
Russel Kelfer

Our precious girl wonder

2007-09-20T20:52:00.000-07:00

Words can not describe this one

2007-09-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

This one is too hard to explain but Maddux knows that when she sees Unlce Ryan they will play the game of Nasty Trash!

Maddux's big girl shoes

2007-09-20T20:47:00.001-07:00

This is Maddux's first day of Kindergarten. Not only is it a moment I thought I would never see but it is a moment that goes far beyond it just being her first day of big girl school. Never did I imagine that she would walk into a typical classroom on flat feet, say "good morning" to the teacher while looking at her, sit in her chair without a lap pillow, and staying in her chair without a one-on-one aide reminding her to stay seated. She has gone from staring at a wall with her thumb in her mouth to sitting in a typical kindergarten class saying her ABC's. Miracles happen in His time, we just have to be anticipating them.

Happy 5th birthday

2007-09-20T20:46:00.001-07:00

Maddux turned 5 with all of her family beside her, some pink eye, and tons of gifts for HER to open. The concept of a birthday is getting better. She knows there are presents to open and candles to be blown out!

Preschool Graduation

2007-09-20T20:44:00.001-07:00

Maddux graduated from White Plains Children's Center in May 2007. Here she learned compassion for students like her and she learned how to play with others around her. We were sad to leave the center to dive into the big world of "Typical Kindergarten" but we were ready. Until now, this type of transition was only a dream.

Mommy, what shape is this....

2007-09-20T20:43:00.001-07:00

Playtime

2007-09-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

Preschool-inclusion

2007-09-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

A few months after Maddux turned 5 we moved to North Carolina where Maddux experienced her first inclusion classroom setting. It was this year that I wondered why she had not been in inclusion until now. This school year was key for her because it was the first time Maddux was exposed to typically developing children and she did not have a one-on-one aide. Her language soared and her parallel play was starting to improve. Nina, Jason and Eunice worked with Maddux so hard this year and she really made more progress this school year than I have ever seen. "People" can no longer say that children with Autism are unteachable. If they are not learning then you need to change the way you are teaching.

In the midst of shopping she finds her soothing place

2007-09-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

"I need beach"

2007-09-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

This is Maddux's favorite place to be in the world. If we are not at the beach she thinks it is just because the beach is "closed" The beach is sensory heaven for Maddux. She has the cold water, the textured sand, the crashing waves and a wandering bird.

Her daddy

2007-09-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

It is guaranteed that where there is a carousel Maddux will be on it with her daddy.

That's our Maddux

2007-09-20T19:53:00.000-07:00

As each week passed Maddux was improving. It was painfully slow but atleast it was happening. The one thing I remember most from this year in school is asking her everyday when she got in the car, "What did you do today Maddux?" I never got an answer. I continued to ask everyday because I knew one day she would answer.

Introducing Baby Cade

2007-09-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

Maddux's brother, Cade, was born on January 21, 2006. Maddux welcomed him with an open heart.

Happy 4th birthday

2007-09-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

What a difference a year makes. The pictures from her last birthday to this one are like night and day. Here she opened her own presents and blew out her birthday candles 8 times. We have never been so happy to light candles over and over again in our lives.

Preschool-self contained

2007-09-20T19:09:00.001-07:00

Maddux started preschool in March 2006. She was in a full-day, self-contained classroom for 2 years with OT, PT and Speech services inside the school system and outside at Leaps N' Bounds. She was surrounded by some wonderful people. Her teachers and therapists treated Maddux like their own. During Maddux's first year in Preschool she had a one-on-one aide named Heidi. She was so great with Maddux and she adored her.

Miss D was Maddux's teacher for second year in preschool. God bless her for having to put up with me. She was young, vibrant and really helped Maddux to control her break downs and "use her words" when she was upset. Thank you D for caring so much and for letting this year be so fun for both Maddux and me!

What can I say about Ms. Betty. I adore her so much. She was Maddux's aide in Miss D's room. She loves Maddux almost as much as I do. We miss her very much and she really helped Maddux to become more independent around the classroom. Thank you for being you and for loving her like you did. We miss you.

It is all about each person in her life

2007-09-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

So far all I have really posted are pictures of Maddux, her therapist and her teachers. But there is a huge piece missing in her blog. Family. Lenny's and my family have had to go through this ordeal from 3,000 miles away. Sometimes phone calls about her progress are not enough. Each time they would come visit her they could see the progress she has made. Each one had to follow my way of handling her. She was fed different foods, had to sleep in a certain bed and had to be sure her meds were given at the right time and in the right order. Where would Maddux be without her teachers and therapist but more importantly where would we be without this family. Grammy and Gramps, Nana and G, Aunt Jen and Uncle Scott, Uncle Ryan and Aunt Kish (now Uncle David) and Kenzie, Jackson, Ryan, Raegan and Kenna are all our saving grace. Without having you all to lean on, talk to, ask for help from, and pray with we would not be who we are today. Thank you so much for your guidance, love and prayers.

Last few images

2007-09-20T18:45:00.001-07:00

These are some of the last images of Maddux that you will not see her presence in them. The pictures are still important stages in her life and each one has a special place in all of our hearts. I know when each one was taken and how she was developing in each one.

During this time, I came aross a special diet called the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD). It is similar to the Gluten free, casien free diet but on a smaller scale. I stared her on this diet of no preservatives, all fresh, organic foods and nothing processed. If it was sealed in a package, she did not eat it. I really started to see a change in her ability to communicate, think, walk and process information. Her auditory processing time increased. She started to come back.

Moments of beauty

2007-09-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

The hardest lesson we had to learn...

Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him.
Psalms 37:7

Bubbles say POP

2007-09-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

These two pictures have a special meaning to us because it took Maddux until she was 4 years old to learn how to blow bubbles. Something so simple you think every child knows how to do is so hard for her. Constant repetition and using the same bubbles in the same spot of the backyard as you did the day before. Then taking the bubbles to the park and teaching her that it still works the same there as it does at home in our yard. And now the bubbles SHE blows are so beautiful!

Our patriotic girl

2007-09-20T18:16:00.001-07:00

This picture was taken on the way home from a day of shopping at Short Pump in Richmond, VA. The flag she is holding has not left her side since! She has always had a fascination with flags and we turned her obsession of wanting to count the stars into a history lesson.

Happy 3rd birthday

2007-09-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

Birthdays have always been too abstract for Maddux to understand. So, having birthday parties have never been the typical fun. Here we celebrated at home in Redondo Beach just like all of her previous birthdays. We just opened her gifts for her hoping one day she would understand and blow out the candle rather than just staring at it.

Early Intervention Graduation

2007-09-19T20:19:00.000-07:00

Maddux graduated from Early Intervention in February 2006. It was a sad but wonderful day because I could look back and see a change in her. She still was not saying much, but her eye contact was better and she had a strong foundation of strength and knowledge... as did I. Maddux continued with outside OT and PT therapy with Noel and Melissa after she started preschool. Now she was just going to BIG school. It was scary going from my bubble of safety called Early Intervention to being at the mercy of the public school system. Fortunately in my case, a well-informed mom equalled a smooth transition.

PT

2007-09-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

Noel was Maddux's Physical Therapist. She pushed Maddux's limits the most. Thank goodness! I never did and so I never saw what she could really accomplish on her own. I tend to help her with everything just thinking she can not do it. Noel really helped me to step back and say "just let her do it". Noel used to always say, "use your muscles" and Maddux still says that to this day. Thank you Noel for pushing the both of us!

OT

2007-09-19T19:57:00.000-07:00

Melissa was Maddux's occupational therapist and my teacher. She taught me everything I know about gross/fine motor and sensory integration. She worked with Maddux for 2 years. She was part of the small window of opportunity that you have to mold and change your child with Autism. I still email her and ask her questions today, even though she is now in Ireland. Thanks for not going there until we left!

The frog swing was Maddux's favorite activity.

She grabbed a "spikey ball" everyday she went into
therapy. I will never see one without thinking of Melissa.

Early Intervention

2007-09-19T19:48:00.000-07:00

These are some of the people who worked with Maddux and me and changed our lives. Maddux attended one of the best schools in sensory intergration, and they treated her like she was their own. We have made lasting relationships with these people, and they will always be the reason why Maddux is where she is today. THANKS! God was definitely holding their hands while they were working with her. They helped guide her and pushed her to her limits. She also pushed them to their limits, but it was nice to see her fight them. It meant she had feelings about something. And to us that meant she was on her way "back".

Do you see a pattern

2007-09-19T19:35:00.000-07:00

These pictures are our Maddux then and they are still her now. She loves her thumb and her special baby. With all of her sensory issues, her thumb helps to sooth her and her baby makes her feel comfortable and safe. During this time she would occasionally look into the camera but with no purpose. But it was coming, I could see it.

Hiding inside herself

2007-09-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

Even though the picture does not show it, Maddux was hiding in there just waiting to come out and amaze us! She was like this for 2 years but not solely because of autism. We lost Maddux to seizures long before we lost her to Autism. I think that is why the Autism diagnosis was not a shock to us. I was happy to finally have her pediatrician not look at me like I was crazy. Part of me wanted to go by and say "See, I told you something was wrong." But now it was up to us to "fix" it. And that is what we did.

Her EEG

2007-09-19T19:15:00.001-07:00

These 2 images, just days after her MMR, are just reminders of what not to forget. Although they seem like bad reminders, it is a testament to Maddux's past, her Strength and her Will. All of which I do not want to forget. She will always be in remission from Epilepsy. She will never be cured but I can always look back and see what she has come though and know that God never gives us more than we can handle. He may pile it on thick at times, but it is because you have the strengh to get through it.

Our last smile

2007-09-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

We really cherish this picture for many reasons. This is one of the last pictures we have of her smiling. It was taken by my best friend, Erika, at Christmas and her first seizure was in February. Erika sent this to me after Maddux was put in ICU during her first treatment for Infantile Spasms. I remember coming home to shower and getting this in the mail and crying because I could see in this picture what I had not seen in 2 months.